Returning from the fabulous adventure of living abroad for a number of years, I found myself at an unprecedented low point as I realized that I had no idea who or what I really am, or what the fuck I was supposed to be doing with my life. The fact that I couldn’t just figure it out made me feel stupid and that depressed the shit out of me. Just when I thought I would snap from the stress, I had an experience that irrevocably changed my life – cementing my belief in the oneness of consciousness, enabling me to meditate deeply on the heart space, accelerating my exponential personal growth, and providing insight on what I actually am and my place in the world around me.
In this kinda waking dream, I saw myself as though through the lens of a drone camera flying above me – all alone, and slowly picking my way through the small black rocks along the shore of a lake that was lit by the light of the moon. Back in my own point of view, I saw that the water was pitch black and in the distance on the far shore of this lake, I could see oddly shaped white mountains. Studying them intently, I nearly flipped out when I realized the mountains were the bones of my pelvis and that I was somehow inside myself. Looking out over the glistening black water, I was overcome by a sense of profound aloneness as I observed an enormous black crystal protruding from the center of the lake. Gazing at this macabre vision of blackness that reflected my feelings of isolation and despair, I couldn’t imagine what the hell I was seeing in the eye of my mind.
A small child materialized next to me and took hold of my hand without speaking. We walked along the shore together, and I thought well that’s weird, this kid looks just like me when I was seven years old. Letting go of my hand, the child went towards the waterline and looking back to make sure I was watching, smiled and stepped into the gently lapping surf. As soon as the child’s toes touched the water, the lake turned a brilliant turquoise blue and the sun blazed overhead. The child laughed and scampered away and looking out over the water, I saw that the gigantic crystal was now a faint purply pink color and sparkling in the bright sunlight.
I was standing knee-deep in the turquoise surf gazing at the crystal when a dolphin swam up to me. I could clearly sense its happiness and I felt love for the beautiful creature that allowed me to stroke it, admiring its muscular form as we played together in the shallow water. When it swam between my legs, I understood it wanted me to climb on. Excited at the prospect of riding a dolphin and thrilled by its trust, I clasped its flanks with my legs and held on to the dorsal fin. It surged out of the water with me on its back and swam at high speed out to the gigantic crystal, frolicking and wave-jumping the entire way. It was total exhilaration on a way bigger scale than my frequent dreams of flying over land and sea. Reaching the crystal, the dolphin slowed down enough for me to slip from its back. I clambered up where I could see the dolphin swimming under more crystals growing below the surface before leaping out of the water in exuberance and speeding away.
Lying on the crystal, I must have fallen asleep, because I found myself looking up at a star-filled sky where my eye was caught by a distant one that was a vivid green and faintly pulsing. As soon as I focused on it, a golden spark shot out and zooming towards me at the speed of light, hit me in the chest. Not hard, but I definitely felt it hit me. Feeling myself being drawn towards the distant green star, I saw that I was connected to it by a golden thread. The star grew larger as I approached, and I eventually saw that it was an emerald green spherical torus ring. The upward flow at the center was molten gold ejecting golden particles that landed on the downward moving grid in an unending cycle. Perceiving that it was expanding, I recognized the quantum field of infinite possibility, with the expansion creating a moving grid where the particles would always land in a different place when they spewed out of the center. It was the most amazingly breathtakingly beautiful thing I’d ever seen and somewhere deep inside me, I knew it was the embodiment of love.
Flying closer, I felt immense joy as I floated weightlessly in its gravitational field cavorting and spinning around. Catching a glimpse of a figure at the far side of it, I saw the child from the lake who was also there playing in the field. After a while, I was overcome with the desire to be sucked up through the center and spewed out the top, and I had no fear as I moved down towards the gigantic bottom uptake zone. Suddenly the child flew towards me and laughing, wrapped its arms and legs around me in a monkey death grip hug. I felt overwhelming love for this child before we passed upwards into the golden flow of energy and emerging at the top as a particle possessed of consciousness, I experienced bliss at the infinitely expanding oneness I knew I was part of.
Needless to say, I was freaked as fuck when I finally roused myself from this quantum vision but oddly, felt calm, happy, and loved. That, and I had a ton of questions about what I’d seen…
With nothing better to do and wanting to understand the good vibes this experience had engendered I threw myself into a serious quest for knowledge. Beginning with consciousness theory, I learned that the toroidal shape actually exists in the quantum field and the self-sustained constant motion of folding in on itself is how some scientists now define consciousness. This segued into a study of how human energy fits into this model and read about how the electromagnetic field of the human heart is also toroidal in shape and extends far beyond the body. Exploring colors, I learned about chakras and was stunned to find out that the root chakra is black, the heart chakra is green, and the crown chakra is a pinkish violet color. And then there was the study of higher consciousness, with our so-called higher selves often appearing as ourselves as a child, and various forms of guides that some cultures believe are animals.
Acquiring this knowledge certainly went the distance explaining what the elements of this bizarre vision potentially represented, but the fact that it was knowledge that I already had on a subconscious level, was absolutely mindblowing to me. I now have total trust that I am an embodiment of consciousness on a human adventure and possessed of a shitload of stuff I already know, but that’s obscured by the human need to numb ourselves for fear of what we’ll find when we look inward. I also know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I am loved and that I am Love. And that you are too.
